As soon as I woke up, the nanny's hand shaking me gently to consciousness, I knew something was wrong. Normally, it could easily have been the fuzzy, unpleasant feeling in my head, or the equally unpleasant full sensation in my tummy, but this time it was something more alarming, and more obvious. As soon as I moved, I wrinkled my nose as I felt it, drowsily reaching towards my crotch to try to get rid of it, forgetting the mittens on my hands, attached to the sleeper around the rest of my body. That helplessness only made me more unhappy, as I stared down at myself, wriggling about, each action only reminding me more that the diaper I'd gone to bed in, the huge, thick thing that had been only a little damp the last thing I remembered, was now soaked.
"Time to wake up, little one," the nanny said, smiling calmly at me even as I stared up at her in a panic. "We don't want you to be late."
I watched helplessly as her hand moved down my body, pressing against the bulge of my diapers with a squish before I could think of a way to stop her. "Oh, my," she said, pressing again. "I think we'd better get you changed first, huh?"
I blushed, unable to answer as she lifted me out of bed, unzipping my sleeper and pulling it off of me, giving both of us a full view of my diapers, very clearly well-used, sagging heavily inside my plastic pants, nearly threatening to pull those off my hips.
"What have you been drinking?" she teased, leading me into the bathroom as I blushed profusely. She didn't bother with a bath, simply finishing the job of disrobing me and putting me under the shower, though she still took care of scrubbing me clean. When she was satisfied, she ordered me to, "Stay here," vanishing for just a moment before returning with a thick, disposable diaper in her hands. After her threats the night before, I'd known it was coming, but it still made my head hang, and nearly brought tears to my eyes.
She dried me off and got me diapered up, then took me downstairs. The diaper was nowhere near as thick as my nighttime ones were, luckily, so I was able to walk down normally, while she carried my used ones with her, dropping them off in the laundry room while I tagged along. Something still felt off, somehow, and toddling around in nothing more than a diaper left me feeling especially vulnerable, so, even if it was she who'd put me in this position, she was still the most comforting presence around. Also, the only one.
"Aww, I know you're hungry, sweetie," the nanny cooed at me as she turned around and saw me there. "Run along to the dining room and I'll bring you your breakfast."
I shook my head without thinking about it. "I'm not hungry... I don't feel so good..."
"Are you telling me no?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. I was quick to shake my head. "I didn't think so. Now, there's no need to be nervous, Holly - you've already been to school, so you have friends there waiting for you today! It shouldn't be nearly as scary, now, should it?"
I stared at her blankly, wanting to cry again at the mention of school. I had a feeling, after seeing her and Ms. Shelly talk the night before, that it was nursery school I'd be going to. Not that high school would be much better.
"Go to the dining room," she told me one more time, turning me around and patting the back of my diaper to propel me that way. Obediently, I trudged to the table and sat myself down. I didn't have long to wait before my breakfast was brought out, just as big as the day before. I sighed and went to work, not even making it through all the melon before feeling full.
"I'm not hungry," I tried, but she only glared at me from over her own food. I managed to force the rest of the food down, but had to stop at the bowl of oatmeal, the smell of it almost enough to make me gag. "I'm really full," I whined.
"Holly, you have a choice," she said. "You can eat that on your own, and finish it in the next ten minutes so I can get you ready for school, or I can feed it to you. I don't think you want that, now do you? Especially because if you do that, you're going to be going over my knee again before school for not being a good little girl. Now, what is it going to be, young lady?"
I squirmed under her gaze, feeling every inch a naughty, disobedient little girl. I certainly didn't need another spanking, so I forced myself to say, "I'll eat it," and then to pick up the spoon and start doing just that. I ate it until I was stuffed, washing it down with her strangely gritty orange juice, feeling like doing nothing more than going right back to bed when I was done, sure I could barely move after all that.
The nanny stood up, holding out her hand for me and ordering, "Come on." Miserably, I pushed my chair away from the table and hopped down, toddling over to her and taking her hand as my diaper drooped between my legs. We got a few steps toward my room before that struck me as odd, and I started to wriggle my bottom. I bit my bottom lip, sure I had to be imagining things, but one quick look down proved otherwise, as I saw a smudge across the wetness indicator on my diaper.
I was wet, again. And I had absolutely no memory of having done it. I felt like crying, or throwing up, or just laughing. I'd insisted time and time again I wasn't a little girl, and now that I was being treated like one, apparently my body was following suit, losing control. But that wasn't how things worked. Just wearing diapers couldn't make you incontinent... Could it? Certainly not after one day, and not even a full one at that.
And yet, there I was, following the nanny, slowing down as I concentrated on paying attention to what was going on in my pants, nearly gasping as I realized I'd not only wet myself - I was still doing so. I tried my best to stop the trickle that was dripping its way into the already soggy padding, but my body refused to respond. I felt terrified, and so incredibly alone. The only person I could turn to for help was the nanny, and she'd probably just say that this proved that I was a baby after all, and should stay in diapers.
I was trying hard not to cry as she positioned me in front of the closet in my room, dressing me in a denim jumper with a pink shirt beneath it and a pink, fringed vest over it, a little gold star on the chest, finishing the outfit off with a pink cowboy hat and a pair of pink boots. And then, as if that wasn't enough to make me feel like a toddler, she got out a pink diaper bag and started to fill it, putting in an extra outfit and plucking diaper after diaper from a bag of them on the floor of my closet. I felt a bit queasy as I watched the bag's side puff out, showing just how much confidence she had in my potty training. And with good reason, I thought bitterly.
Certainly, a grown woman wouldn't be standing where I was, wetting herself without warning or control. Not someone in charge of re-opening a long closed mall, bringing a little life back to this community. Someone with a car, an apartment, a life, even if it was a rather sparse one, outside of work and the play, wouldn't be dressed like a cowgirl, watching her diaper bag being gotten ready so she could be taken to nursery school. And surely someone who had all of that, and deserved it, couldn't be reduced to this in less than a day and a half.
"You really don't look so good," the nanny said, glancing down at me as she set the diaper bag on my bed. She pressed her hand against my forehead, then, satisfied, lifted the skirt of my dress and patted the crotch of my diaper. I blushed, sure she was going to be shocked at how quickly I'd used it again, that she'd remind me of everything that was already going through my mind, which would only make me feel worse, and more deserving of this humiliating fate. Instead, she mused, "Well, it feel like the catheter's working just fine. And you shouldn't need a change yet - they can take care of that at school. Does your tummy hurt, sweetie?"
I couldn't even answer. I just stared at her in shock, wondering if I'd somehow misheard her. A catheter? She'd put a catheter in me?! It was comforting to know it wasn't my fault I was peeing all over the place, but at the same time, I was livid at the intrusion, the violation, of what she'd done. I glared up at her in disbelief and fury, hands curling into fists that I was too cowardly to try to use.
"Oh, did you just notice?" she asked, smiling slightly, bemused at my anger, which just made it flare up all the more. "I told you, little one - you're going to stay in those diapers, and you're going to use them. Whether you like it or not."
"How dare you?!" I shouted, stomping one cowgirl-booted foot on the floor. "You have no right! You take it out of me right now!"
"It's not as easy as that," she said, still calm. "And I think you'd better cool yourself off, young lady. I'm sure Ms. Shelly won't mind you coming in late after I explain to her, and the rest of the class, that you needed a spanking and a time out."
Still fuming, but quiet about it, I followed her out to the care sulkily, letting her buckle me in and drive me to the nursery school, a long, silent drive that I spent most of fidgeting, feeling my diaper grow incrementally wetter beneath me. Even without the full diaper bag beside me, and knowing where I was being driven to, that alone would have made me feel quite babyish. There was a part of me that tried to look on the bright side, that at the very least this meant I couldn't be blamed for using my diaper, since I had no choice any more, but somehow that really didn't do much to help my state of mind, seeing as that meant I now really needed my diapers.
It also didn't help that my stomach still felt quite bloated and full beneath my jumper, giving me one more reason to feel miserable as the nanny's car bumped along the road to Mt. Pleasant. I did feel much less silly when the nanny insisted on walking me inside than I had when she'd walked me into high school, though, and it was nice not to have to tote my own diaper bag through the halls, as I'd been expecting to have to do.
I was the first student there, and the grin on Ms. Shelly's face when she saw me told me this wasn't an accident. "Why don't you color me another picture, Holly?" she said, leading me to one of the tables and giving me another page to work on as she and the nanny spoke at her desk. At first, I only half paid attention to my coloring, glancing up at them, watching as the nanny rifled through my diaper bag, talking with Ms. Shelly, presumably about the contents, straining to hear what they were saying. I eventually gave up, however - I wasn't catching anything useful, and even if I had been, it hardly mattered. That was a conversation for grown-ups, not me. It was about me, but that didn't mean I had any say in it, that it mattered what I thought. All of that was completely out of the equation.
I glanced up silently as they finished, and my nanny walked over to me. I expected a goodbye, but instead she reached down, pushing up the skirt of my jumper and checking my diaper, then wordlessly holding out her hand. Meekly, I stood, toddling next to her to the bathroom, which Ms. Shelly unlocked the door to, then followed us in with the diaper bag. It was a fairly small bathroom, with a low toilet and sink, obviously for the benefit of the kids - and not me, I thought with a pout - and a changing table set into one wall. The nanny pulled it down, then started to lift me up onto it before stepping aside.
"Why don't you see if you can get her up onto it comfortably?" she suggested. "You can always use the changing pad if not, of course."
"Oh, no problem," Ms. Shelly smiled smugly, stepping up and lifting me easily onto the plastic changing table, using the straps to trap me in place.
"Good," the nanny said, setting my bag on the counter and getting out some supplies. I watched them, squirming what little I could, cheeks turning redder as I realized neither was leaving, that I was not only going to get my diaper changed, but I was going to have an audience. The nanny pushed up my jumper, then untaped the wet diaper. "Like I said, it's very much the same as changing any other baby," she told her, getting out a baby wipe and cleaning me with it, leaving me shivering at the chilly touch. "You just have to be very quick about getting her new diaper under her, so she doesn't leak."
"Like a real baby," Ms. Shelly nodded, "rather than a toddler." She grinned at me, letting me know she'd made the distinction for my benefit more than her own.
"Exactly!" the nanny told her, rapidly pulling away the old diaper and slipping the new one beneath me, letting Ms. Shelly dispose of the used one as she deftly applied powders and creams, then taped me into the fresh garment. "And make sure it's good and tight," she instructed, patting the front of my diaper.
"Of course," Ms. Shelly smiled, undoing the straps and lifting me down, adjusting my skirt. "You're right, it should be no problem. I'm just not used to babies quite this big."
"It's quite all right," the nanny said. "And remember you can call me if you need any help, or if she misbehaves too much. But I don't think that will be a problem, will it?" She gave me a pointed look, and I shook my head. "Good girl." She bent down and kissed the top of my head. "Have a good day at school, sweetie."
I nodded numbly, watching her go, a few drops of urine already dripping their way into my diaper. I felt utterly and completely like I belonged in this little classroom, in nursery school, enough that, as I felt tears welling up in my eyes, I wasn't sure if it was me mourning my adult life, so far gone now, or me being scared at being left all alone by my nanny, like any other little kid.
"All right, we might as well get this done now, too," Ms. Shelly said, breaking me out of my thoughts as she dug through my diaper bag, pulling out a small pill bottle. She unscrewed the top and poured out four of them, setting them on the counter as she got a paper cup and filled it with water. "Here you go," she handed one of the pills to me.
I stared at it, and then her, for a moment, before letting her know, "I can take more than one at a time." I wasn't sure what they were, but I knew there was no point in resisting them, especially since my nanny was probably still in the parking lot, so Ms. Shelly could just call her and get her back in a few minutes to make me do it, perhaps with yet another spanking.
"I don't want you to choke," she said. "Now put it in your mouth."
I sighed and did as I was told, taking each pill one at a time, a full cup of water to wash down each under Ms. Shelly's watchful eye, ensuring my bladder would have plenty of material to pour into my diaper, whenever it wanted. I had a feeling that was the whole point.
"What a good girl you are, Laura," Ms. Shelly praised me as she took the cup, grinning as she saw my surprised expression, still unused to being called my real name, and getting such a pointed reminder that I wasn't supposed to be here. "You're just the perfect little baby, aren't you?" she asked, patting me on the head before ushering me back out to the classroom and my table so I could finish my coloring, too embarrassed to answer her one way or the other.